So, over the past couple of years, I have been doing a lot of self-reflection...
Not realizing it at the time, I spent most of the past four decades trying to please...doing what was expected...trying to be what others liked and wanted...having a passion for nurturing my relationships, but not necessarily myself. I was malleable, easily influenced (to a point)--mainly because I went with the flow..I was okay with doing what others wanted, because for whatever reason, I actually liked doing what made others happy, and I really didn't begrudge anyone for that. I truly didn't mind. It's just who I was. But I do think I lost a little of myself because of that.
As I sit it my 40's now, I have realized that I evolved over each decade into someone stronger, more comfortable in my skin, more introspective, and less influenced by others. I don't care (as much, or for long) about what others think of me. My circle of influence has gotten smaller and smaller, and I am okay with that. I feel peaceful with decisions and circumstances in my life, and over the past couple of years, I have realized which relationships I will go to the ends of the earth for...and the ones that weren't what I thought. The past year solidified and strenghthend my most valued relationships, and made me realize there were a few that I had to be comfortable stepping back from.
I am excited about my path for the next four decades. I am challenging myself more to recognize my feelings and articulate them--something I spent my whole life either guarding, hiding or denying. At times it's frustrating, scary, I feel insecure, and I fall back into my old habits of shutting down. Sometimes I want to guard myself and my heart. But then just in time, I am blessed with feelings of overwhelming joy that I would not feel if I didn't let my heart open up wide to receive it.
I think I'm headed in the right direction...
Not realizing it at the time, I spent most of the past four decades trying to please...doing what was expected...trying to be what others liked and wanted...having a passion for nurturing my relationships, but not necessarily myself. I was malleable, easily influenced (to a point)--mainly because I went with the flow..I was okay with doing what others wanted, because for whatever reason, I actually liked doing what made others happy, and I really didn't begrudge anyone for that. I truly didn't mind. It's just who I was. But I do think I lost a little of myself because of that.
As I sit it my 40's now, I have realized that I evolved over each decade into someone stronger, more comfortable in my skin, more introspective, and less influenced by others. I don't care (as much, or for long) about what others think of me. My circle of influence has gotten smaller and smaller, and I am okay with that. I feel peaceful with decisions and circumstances in my life, and over the past couple of years, I have realized which relationships I will go to the ends of the earth for...and the ones that weren't what I thought. The past year solidified and strenghthend my most valued relationships, and made me realize there were a few that I had to be comfortable stepping back from.
I am excited about my path for the next four decades. I am challenging myself more to recognize my feelings and articulate them--something I spent my whole life either guarding, hiding or denying. At times it's frustrating, scary, I feel insecure, and I fall back into my old habits of shutting down. Sometimes I want to guard myself and my heart. But then just in time, I am blessed with feelings of overwhelming joy that I would not feel if I didn't let my heart open up wide to receive it.
I think I'm headed in the right direction...
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