Three farthest points on a triangle...

On Christmas night, as I was loading the kids into the van, I fell off a curb and severely sprained my ankle. It blew up like a balloon (and kept me in an immobilization boot for the next six weeks)....During the chaos of that whole traumatic event, my three little angels each reacted in perfect alignment with their individual personalities.

As I lay on the couch in excruciating pain, getting my ankle iced, Matthew nervously popped in and out of the room. He would watch, try and change the subject to some lighter topic, all the while staring uncomfortably at my ever-growing cankle...

Michael, my snuggler, has always been EXTREMELY sensitive to my emotions. As a toddler, if I looked even the slightest bit displeased about something, he would ask "Mama, are you angry to me?" That night, he would not leave my side. He kept petting my face, kissed me, and tried really hard to smooth out the frown line in between my eyebrows. So sweet....

And then there was Missy....My wonderful volatile fireball of happiness (most of the time) who's focused in her bubble sometimes...Now, let's remember---all three kids were there when I fell, not to mention the drama of trying to get into the house afterwards, gathering the ice packs, and carrying me to the couch to lay down...About an hour later, with my foot elevated getting iced, Michael petting my face and Matthew hovering around me like a nervous-nelly, Missy happily bee-bops into the room with her Star Wars laser gun, shoots everyone and then stops, confused, and asks, "Hey, what happened?"

Another proud parenting moment...

I was dropping off the kids at school the other day, feeling a little sad that they are not so little anymore. We had a great morning--they all got ready when they were supposed to, no fighting, no tattling, no last-minute "I forgot to do my homework"...it was a miracle. They have really been enjoying the school year so far--Michael's assessment has been, "Mama, First Grade is WAY better than Kindergarten!"

So that morning, we picked up our little car-poolers, and as I pulled up to drop them off, they all just rushed to get out the door. Feeling slightly hurt, I said "Hey, isn't anyone going to give me a kiss?" The collective answer was, "NO."

By this time, 5th Grader Matthew was just about to get out and I said, "So Matthew, you can either give me a kiss here, OR I can come to your classroom and you can give me one there."

I got my kiss.

EARNING his Black Belt

Matthew is now a Black Belt...Seeing him tie that crisp new belt around his waist for the first time at the end of his exam was one of those moments I will have etched in my mind forever. A flood of images and emotions washed over me as I saw him remove his half brown/half black belt and replace it with his new black one....I remembered his very first lesson when he was only four, his excitement, his innocence and over the years some difficult times he had feeling apprehensive, nervous and discouraged. Physically, what he learned did not come easily or naturally, and every belt he earned was the result of diligent practice and never giving up. Sometimes I felt as though he was going to classes for me and that he just didn't want to complain...but I saw him evolve into really wanting to do it for himself, and truly enjoying each accomplishment with pride...His gentle spirit has always been apparent---quietly observing, taking things in around him, listening, learning and assimiliating with humility and grace. I am so proud of what he has accomplished physically, but I cannot express adequately in words the amount of pride I feel for the person that he is and for the "inner" black belt he has become.

Feeling his light again...

"You're only as happy as your saddest child..."

I'm not sure where I heard that quote, but I find it to be so true.

For the past month or so, I have felt Matthew's spirit to be a little quiet...a little distant. I'm not sure exactly why, and I don't think he knows either. He was home from school sick for four days last week, and that wiped him out...But even before that, as I look back on the past few weeks, I noticed that he just didn't seem like himself...and it made me feel sad.

But over the last two days, I have been seeing his light return---like the sunshine that peeks through the clouds after a rain. His eyes seem brighter, his energy feels stronger, and it has lifted me as well. I feel relieved...and happy to have him back.

The Talent Show

A few months ago, Matthew and Missy decided they wanted to do a karate demonstration for the school's annual talent show, and their wonderful karate instructor/ babysitter Mr. Joe agreed to help them. Three weeks before the big night, Matthew had second thoughts and wanted to "change his mind." He felt anxious and nervous about being in front of all his schoolmates, and I told him that I was not going to force him to participate if he really didn't want to. It looked as though the show may go on with only Missy performing, which would have been fine...but Mr. Joe had a long talk with Matthew and asked him to reconsider---that once they practiced their routine, he would feel more comfortable, know what to expect, and he would be proud that he did it after it was over. Reluctantly, Matthew agreed to think it over...he rehearsed the performance willingly, and gradually he became more confident in what they would be doing...

Missy was pretty much along for the ride, oblivious to what it all meant at first, and depending on her mood she would either be really happy about practicing or in tears proclaiming the end of the world. On the first particularly difficult evening, in between crying episodes, I finally just told her, “Missy I’ll give you five bucks if you practice nicely and do your very best for this talent show.” Not one of my proudest motherly moments, but it got her through that evening thankfully. The rehearsals after that went pretty smoothly, and Mr. Joe was a trooper, keeping them focused and motivated…

The big night finally came, and the atmosphere in the big high school auditorium was exciting. Kids wearing their performance numbers around their necks, squealing with anticipation...families waiting anxiously for their little “stars” to perform… The “one” performance we were interested in (of the 69 total acts that would last 4.5 hours we were told) was THANKFULLY number 3 on the list…AND THEY WERE WONDERFUL. Missy looked like she was in her glory, grinning from ear to ear running, jumping, kicking and having the best time. Even Matthew looked as though he was enjoying himself and took the performance very seriously. They received enthusiastic applause from the audience, and Missy looked as though she wanted to stay on the stage just soaking in all the accolades. It was a fantastic finish to a journey that started off a little bumpy…It was a relief to be done, but everyone was happy about the outcome…

On the way home, reflecting on the experience, Matthew’s first comment was, “That was really fun!” and he was glad that he ended up deciding to go through with it…That so warmed my heart…and made me very proud….Our little princess Missy had her first comment the second she came gliding ever so happily off the stage and came to sit next to me in the audience. I was beaming with pride at her accomplishment and how she was like a little ray of sunshine up there. She leaned over to me, I leaned closer to her, thinking how beautifully my little kindergartener was blossoming…and she looked at me very seriously straight in my eyes and said, “Can I have my five bucks now?”

Matthew's Pilgrim Project

Definition of pilgrim..."a person who journeys, esp. a long distance, to some sacred place; a traveler or wanderer; a newcomer to a region or place..."

The assignment was to research pilgrims, then make one using a clothes pin and other items of the student's choosing. A short written explanation accompanied each child's project...and this is what Matthew wrote:


"My pilgrim is me. I came from
South Korea to live with my family in America. I was adopted when I was 7 months old. I'm wearing a hanbok. Koreans wear hanboks on special days, like
birthdays."